Love
Love. A myth. People say they love you. You tell someone you love them. What does it mean? The human being has been able to define to minutest details the most intricate things, from atoms to black holes to chlorophyl to inventory turns. Why is it that none such exists for love? I am sure there are some. This is what dictionary.com has to say:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love
So it is an ineffable feeling of affection. What does that mean? Are there levels for these feelings? How is one to know that the current level one feels for another person, animal, thing etc. can be qualified as love? Well they say you know. If you know, then why cant someone put it down on paper for me? They say, it has to do with the heart, and not the brain. The heart is a pumping device so I dont buy it. Maybe there are various sections of the brain and the one dedicated for love is located on the opposite side of the one where logic resides. I do not know. And what is even more intriguing is the relation of the feeling called love with a whole bunch of other things.
1. Sex: We were taught (in our school believe it or not) that sex is the purest expression of love. There can be no sex without love. Vice versa was not mentioned cause this was being taught by a priest. This was convenient as I could tell myself, sex will happen when I fall in love. But when do I know I am in love? And just being in love does not justify having sex as per the traditional Indian culture and all that good stuff. So ... what are we talking about again???
2. Marriage: Now this is a cool one. I believe there cannot be marriage without love. I do not know what love is but that is a different problem. So how many people get married to the person they are in love with? Not too many in India atleast. Love will happen say the preachers of arranged marriages. Maybe it is true. But what if it does not happen? Scary. Single status rocks!
3. Eternity: When one is in love, it has to be this forever thing. Till death do us part. Errr..... turns out, nothing is eternal. This I believe like I believe there is Santa Claus. There is! I have seen him. Anyway. So say you know you are in love (yaa right!). You know that there is just the right amount of heart, brain and other critical organs giving you the signal that this is it. The search has ended. Now, it has to be eternal. Have you ever heard any chic flick or mills and boon (I haven't read one.. I have general issues reading books so that helps) character go.. "I love you... today" That is what they should say. How can they say I love you and promise to love you for ever? Love is a feeling right? So how can one say that they are going to feel a certain way for ever and ever and ever??? How? It is like saying, I feel happy and I promise to feel that way for the rest of my life.
Well this stuff is really bothering me today cause TBS was showing Sleepless in Seattle and FOX was showing American Pie and one should never switch between those two movies. It screws up your head man!
So dear onlookers and sceptics and believers and all them peoples out there.... come one and come all and define this damn thing for me. I thought I knew what it was for the longest time... and I didnt. So in my free time during sleepless nights, I wonder. What it eeeeez?
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love
So it is an ineffable feeling of affection. What does that mean? Are there levels for these feelings? How is one to know that the current level one feels for another person, animal, thing etc. can be qualified as love? Well they say you know. If you know, then why cant someone put it down on paper for me? They say, it has to do with the heart, and not the brain. The heart is a pumping device so I dont buy it. Maybe there are various sections of the brain and the one dedicated for love is located on the opposite side of the one where logic resides. I do not know. And what is even more intriguing is the relation of the feeling called love with a whole bunch of other things.
1. Sex: We were taught (in our school believe it or not) that sex is the purest expression of love. There can be no sex without love. Vice versa was not mentioned cause this was being taught by a priest. This was convenient as I could tell myself, sex will happen when I fall in love. But when do I know I am in love? And just being in love does not justify having sex as per the traditional Indian culture and all that good stuff. So ... what are we talking about again???
2. Marriage: Now this is a cool one. I believe there cannot be marriage without love. I do not know what love is but that is a different problem. So how many people get married to the person they are in love with? Not too many in India atleast. Love will happen say the preachers of arranged marriages. Maybe it is true. But what if it does not happen? Scary. Single status rocks!
3. Eternity: When one is in love, it has to be this forever thing. Till death do us part. Errr..... turns out, nothing is eternal. This I believe like I believe there is Santa Claus. There is! I have seen him. Anyway. So say you know you are in love (yaa right!). You know that there is just the right amount of heart, brain and other critical organs giving you the signal that this is it. The search has ended. Now, it has to be eternal. Have you ever heard any chic flick or mills and boon (I haven't read one.. I have general issues reading books so that helps) character go.. "I love you... today" That is what they should say. How can they say I love you and promise to love you for ever? Love is a feeling right? So how can one say that they are going to feel a certain way for ever and ever and ever??? How? It is like saying, I feel happy and I promise to feel that way for the rest of my life.
Well this stuff is really bothering me today cause TBS was showing Sleepless in Seattle and FOX was showing American Pie and one should never switch between those two movies. It screws up your head man!
So dear onlookers and sceptics and believers and all them peoples out there.... come one and come all and define this damn thing for me. I thought I knew what it was for the longest time... and I didnt. So in my free time during sleepless nights, I wonder. What it eeeeez?
posted by Nalin at 10:26 PM
14 Comments:
Quite a topic .. I guess on the verge of the philosophical, material, spiritual and just damn practical .. and you know we have only 2 feet each one of us .. if we try to balance on 4 stones with 2 feet .. all you will get is a damned fall .. so choose your stones .. and reduce your scope .. love means different things in different contexts .. so choose wisely ..
Sudu darling! had not expected such a deep study from your side. Yet again, when I read it, it has to have come from you :)
So this is what I propose: We need to get a mixture of these three hormones/chemicals injected into us, in the right proportions of course. Then we remember to know what it feels like so that when we feel the same with another person. we know it is love.
Then again, if we get our hands on the right proportions of the love potion, who needs another person. Though extremely practical, it does not quite sound right. Wonder why? Maybe there is that little intangible something we are missing here. Maybe not. Any research on the love potion and I am willing to fund!
Don't think any answer will ever satisfy you.
So read your blog on "Growing Up" and keep patience :)
Give it a try Shruti. I may never acknowledge it but I do get impressed sometimes :) Kidding...
Hey mangesh.. nice blog. and on this particular topic, check out
Scientists say that the brain chemistry of infatuation is akin to mental illness—which gives new meaning to "madly in love."
which probably relates to your suggestion to inject 'love cocktails' into people - what's the effect of the cocktail when there's no person person to associate the feelings with?
OK then, here you go. Your chance to try hard not to, but get impressed for the nth time :)
According to me, the primary reason for love between partners is the basic rule of nature - "Multiplication". Sounds raw and maybe awful, but i think it's true.
Love, feelings, commitment, relationships are all concepts brought in by man and come with his idea of 'A Society'. They are rules we have inherited and live by to keep order in society. Our mental makeup makes us believe that love is a wonderful feeling, meeting "that" person in your life is the most amazing thing to happen, etc etc.
Animals chose partners and so do we. The difference is we apply more intellectual criteria to that selection process (in most cases ;))
Again, we can attribute it to being in a society with rules, education and the 'ability to think'.
Wat say??
There comes a phase in life where even though you have lot of people around you, you kinda feel alone at times. This is the time usually towards the fag end of your education and start of professional life. At such times your friends also start drifting away because of different reasons. Then you need a partner who can LISTEN to you and share your opinions with the same intensity. If this subconscious craving is satisfied by a person naturally, then it results in "love". In case of arranged marriage set up, one has to believe in his instincts as to how well he can assess his to-be-partner before saying YES. Your wise judgement and good foresight to fill your craving
are essential to satisfy this craving. Destiny also plays an important role in this.
In either case of marriages, as time progresses, the relationship intensity will start rising high, it will reach a peak and then start dropping off (this is similar to the efficency curve diagrams we learnt in engg. especially in electrical subject). Both the partners need to put in efforts continuously in order to reap happiness and joy from their marriage. It won't and doesn't happens naturally.
Shruti: So love is a basic instict. A desire to mate (reproduce seems a little out of place). But that does not explain the possesiveness, jealousy, etc. But I agree that a desire to mate is a basic requirement.
I am avoiding bringing social laws etc into the picture. They vary with where you are and what year you are in. Lets skip those for a while.
Atul: From what I hear, love begins as an arrangement to satisfy some unfulfilled desire. A want or a need if I may. A need to have a companion. Then why does have to be a person of the opposite sex? And what if we eliminate the root cause, the need?
I think you both bring up very intersting points which just point towards how hazy the concept of love is is every mind. There needs to be a standardized universal definition!
There are some unexplainable things in life which guyz can experience only in close relation with a gal and vice versa. Also, by nature opposites attract, so u need a partner of opposite sex.
I doubt whether you can ever eliminate this root cause, the need. The primary reason being that man is a social animal. He is affected by the society and their mannerism. At the same time, a man derives happiness and pleasure from all his 5 senses (even the unknown 6th one!). So, the root need arises from these senses, as he needs nourishment from all of them. If he starts ignoring his senses, he may soon turn out to be an animal probably :-) and then can live as George of The Jungle :p
Mangya,
"We were taught (in our school believe it or not) that sex is the purest expression of love. There can be no sex without love" - who said this?, just feel it was a poor catholic priest struggling with the question "What is sex"?
Parag: Don Bosco - Sex Education - 11th standard. Tu nahi thaa kya?
Nothing can sum up the defintion of love better than how "The Architect" had expressed it in Matrix: Reloaded
"Already I can see the chain reaction, the chemical precursors that signal the onset of an emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic, and reason"
Any takers for this philosophy...!?!
Oracle: I could buy that! I know I should pay attention when I am watching these sci-fi movies. They do make sense, sometimes. I do have concerns about the shelf life of this emotion etc but at least we are closer to what it eeez!
chemical chain reaction (check)
emotion (check)
designed(oh yaa.. someones evil work)
overwhelm logic (check)
overwhelm reason (check)
i think apart from scientific chemical reactions love is companionship.
The lifecycle of companionship starts by realizing, as Atul said, that one's subconcious cravings are satisfied by his/her's patner. This stage is the inception stage.
Then comes the conflict stage. This is a stage where one realizes that his/her patner has some unexpected and unwanted behavioural traits and he/she is not exactly as one had expected.
It can happen due to various reasons - contention between
the two indiviuals in their personal/professional life, differences of opinion in achieving something, individualism etc. It is here that many relations break.
However if a couple passes this stage then they have subconsiously made peace with the differences between each other and try to grow as a couple. This happens when they know and understand that nothing can be "picture perfect" but it is "good enough" for them. This happens when they have confidence in themsleves that they will be able to go through any problems AS A COUPLE. This is when LOVE happens.
This is what the preachers of arrange-marraiges hope to happen when they say that love will happen when u get married.
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